Gil in Singapore

kinder macopa - 4th year saint matthew - admu bscs2006 block n - singapore? - kailan ba tayo maghihiwalay?

Having a reunion with my HS classmates in Singapore is the last thing i could ever imagine back in my younger days ( im just 23 btw). That's why I was so glad when Gil ( my classmate in kinder, long time rival in grade school and high school, and one of my closest buds in college - ayaw yata ako layuan) visited Singapore for a training at Oracle.

He arrived 23rd April and met him at Suntec City at 6pm. I got my longanisa and tocino from him (hahaha). Then we brought him to Bugis for dinner and window shopping. Sayang, Obie had overtime work during that night that's why she wasnt able to go with us. Nauna pa makapuntang Bugis sina Carra at Gil kesa kay Obie. lol. I asked Gil what he already did. He can say nothing but "naglakad".

That Saturday, we accompanied him to Mustafa Center where he bought pasalubong. Then we went to Vivo City where we had pictorials with Sentosa at the background. Obie just met us at Vivo City because she came from work. We accompanied Gil to the cable car terminal, then the rest of us went to the trains going to Sentosa.

We had picture taking at Imbiah lookout, then bought sandwiches from subway for dinner. we brought our food to siloso beach where we had our sumptous dinner ( sandwich, macaroons, sampaloc, and choco crinkles). We had lots of stories and gossips about our batchmates. Then we had photo shoot again at Siloso. lol. Gil was our cameraman. parang kami ang tourists. haha. ang ganda kasi ng camera eh. then we watched songs of the sea. The fire part of the show amazed me again. hehehe. then we had photoshoot again at the merlion. then uwian na.

Back in Manila, when we call our classmates for reunion, very few would respond. that's why hindi matuloy tuloy yang reunion na yan. But Im happy now, because at least here in Sg, we had a sort of reunion. (sort of this! hahaha)

Sana next time voltes team naman!

Top 10 Favorite Websites

As I have said in my previous post, this country is a very boring one. So surfing the net has been one of my favorite past times. It has actually been my bestfriend whenever i feel sad and homesick. So for today's post, here are my top 10 favorite internet websites.

10. uobgroup.com - manage my bankaccount here in sg.

9. flickpeek.com - here, i can watch tv series during weekends. this website was my friend during the time I was still waiting for the approval of my employment visa. I discovered one of my favorite series here which is Damages.

8. bpiexpressonline.com - I use this site during paydays. hehe. I would send my remittances to my personal bpi account then transfre funds to my sister's bpi account. I also use this to transfer funds during emergency cases and to pay globe internet and mobile bills.

7. watch-movies.net - online database of movies. I was able to watch several movies here before they were even shown in the big screen. Everybody who knows me knows that I am such a movie freak. But movie is quite expensive here, so I settle for their online counterparts. Who doesnt like free movies anyway?

6. mail.yahoo.com - personal mails, chat, yahoo news all in one page.

5. friendster.com - this is a way I use to catch up on my friends' lives and to catch up on the latest gossips as well. this site is also useful to remind me of my friends' birthdays.

4. www.inquirer.net - aside from watching tv patrol in tfc, the online inquirer is my daily source of philippine news.

3. http://www.gameface.ph/forums/index.php?board=3.0 aka Blue Eagle's Nest - I am a UAAP fan. I never missed any ateneo game in the past even if it means making nasty excuses at work. This site updates me on the latest happenings with the ateneo basketball program.

2. pinoysg.com - the online portal for the filipino community here in singapore. this site has been of great help to me. I was able to find a room in this site. I also look at this site for the exchange rate in remittance centers here. the forums here are very informative and will help you survive your life in a foreign land called singapore.

1. http://peyups.com/threads.khtml?forum=21 aka tv and movies thread - wanna know the latest in philippine and foreign tv and movies? this is the perfect site.

runners-up : www.ateneo.edu, philstar.com, http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=4, www.pep.ph, google.com, streetdirectory.com

Missing Voltes V (-phi) 2.0

I was browsing thru friendster this morning and took a look at the voltes v friendster page. I can't help but smile because memories rushed into my minds again. It seems like it was just yesterday when our group came into being. And now, our friendship has been here for 5 years already and i know it's going to last our lifetime. we may be physically apart from each other, but we all know that we are a group-- a group who will always be there for one another no matter what. We are a group who will back up each other whether we are right or wrong. We are a group linked by our similarities and differences. We are voltes v.



Back in the Philippines, when I had a company different from theirs, i would miss them because we rarely had the time to catch up on each other's lives. The only times we would see each other is during our birthdays. And now that I am out of the country, it pains me to realize that i will miss their birthday celebrations. Especially this april, I will miss my bestfriend's birthday.

What makes it doubly painful for me is the fact that I wasnt there when someone from the group really needed me. But God knows, during the time when he was in crisis, I am doing all the extra efforts to ease his pain, although he would not know it. I miss him and I know that I am sad that I wasnt physically there for him when he needed to talk to me. Bawi ako sa iyo. promise.

haaayyy, when are we going to have our charmee moments again? when will we measure our heights again? I miss you guys. i really do.

Random Thoughts 2008 1.0

My blog has been dying and resurrecting every year. haha.

- what's not ours can never be ours even if we do things for it to be ours and even if it seems that it is already ours.

- learn that whatever it takes, take no regrets of decisions we make. For this decision was ours to make and we chose to make.

- love what or who you chose to love. live each day as though it's the last. love someone as though it will be the last.

- getting hurt doesnt always mean being stronger after that. It may also leave you bruised, scarred, and helpless forever.

-being happy is something that we can never fully achieve here on earth. If you want to be fully happy, then die. I want to be happy.

Top 10 things Im missing/ will be missing now that Im out of the country

10. friday night gimiks and movies galore.

9. the UAAP games. being an avid fan of college hoops, staying out of the uaap scene even for one season is a torture for me.

8. filipino shows. although we have tfc at home, the programming is different.

7. breakfast. I miss waking up with my breakfast ready. Now, there is no one to prepare my breakfast for me. So I normally skip breakfast here.

6. the beach. Despite being an island, singapore is never known for good beaches. this is my first summer that I think, I will not be able to visit a good beach.

5. the voltes team ++. They have always been my second family since my college days. They were always there for me. They are happy when I achieve, and inspire me when Im down. I miss the usual gimiks and chats with them. They will always be my best friends.

4. petty fights with my youngest sister. I miss her because deep inside, we know we love each other and we'll always be there for one another (sob)

3. sleeping on my parents' bed. Admittedly, I am a mama's boy. I still sleep with them even after college graduation.

2. my nephews and nieces. Although they are very makulit, I still love them very much. ( yan tuloy, Im close to tears again)

1. I miss my bed. I cant sleep well at nights that's why Im always sleepy inside the office.

Heroes Personality Test

My score on The Heroes Personality Test:


style="font-size:18pt;font-weight:bold;">Matt Parkman/>style="font-size:12pt">(You scored 66 Idealism, 37 Nonconformity, 37 Nerdiness)
/>

I don't want to be a chump.
Congratulations, you're Matt Parkman! You're a great person: caring, hard-working, and honest. You might not have the best of luck, but you do your best in all areas of life. Your kind and responsible nature is rare, and you should be proud of it.

Your best quality: Heart
Your worst quality: You may take more abuse than you deserve

Link: The Heroes Personality Test
(OkCupid Free Online Dating)

Bertday

i saw my old notebook and nakita ko yung isang page na gumawa ako ng mga tula. Anyway, etong tula na ito ay ibibigay ko sana sa prolife(where we won 2nd place sa song-writing competition nung highschool) ulit.

Bertday

Makukulay na lobo
Nakatutuwang mga
payaso
Masarap na pagkain
Ang sa hapag ay nakahain

Regalong
magagarbo
Masasayang mga palaro
May palayok at pabitin
Upang handaa’y
paligayahin

O anong sarap ng feeling
Kapag para sa iyo’s may
piging
At kung nabigyan lang sana ako
ng isang pagkakataon
Ikatlong
bertday ko na sana ngayon

HALAGA

Umiiyak ka na naman
Langya talaga , wala ka bang ibang alam
Namumugtong mga mata
Kailan pa ba kaya ikaw magsasawa

Sa problema na iyong pinapasan
Hatid sayo ng boyfriend mong hindi mo maintindihan
May kwento kang pandrama na naman
Parang pang TV na walang katapusan

Hanggang kailan ka bang ganyan
Hindi mo ba alam na walang pupuntahan
Ang pagtiyaga mo dyan sa boyfriend mong tanga
Na wala nang ginagawa kundi ang paluhain ka

Chorus:
Sa libu-libong pagkakataon na tayoy nag-kasama
Iilang ulit palang kitang makitang masaya
Naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka nya
Siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang iyong
Tunay na halaga

Hindi na dapat pag-usapan pa
Nagpapagod na rin ako sa aking kakasalita
Hindi ka rin naman nakikinig
Kahit sobrang pagod na ang aking bibig

Sa mga payo kong di mo pinapansin
Akala mo’y nakikinig di rin naman tatanggapin
Ayoko nang isipin pa
Di ko alam ba’t di mo makayanan na iwanan sya

Ang dami-dami naman diyang iba
Wag kang mangangambang baka wala ka nang ibang
Makita
Na lalake na magmahal sayo
At hinding hindi nya sasayangin ang pag-ibig mo

Minsan hindi ko maintindihan
Parang ang buhay natin ay napagti-tripan
Medyo Malabo yata ang mundo
Binabasura ng iba ang siya’y pinapangarap ko

Missing Voltes V

How swiftly time passes.
i was browsing through voltes v's friendster account and i suddenly saw myself walking back through memory lanes. Napakadami na pala talaga ang napagdaanan ng aming barkada. Haayy…

Nagsimula ang lahat nung summer ng 2003. pare-pareho kami ng schedule noon although we were not classmates naman. We came from two separate groups. The first one was zippy(ako yun), vannie, and phi( ang grupong gumigimik after math classes (kahit Monday!) ) and the second group was gil, ken and zippy ( the forever groupmates in all filipino and cs projects). Yun, pag nagyayaya kami mag lunch along katipunan, walang ibang sumasama kundi kaming 5 lang. since half day lang naman kasi ang schedule ng most of our blockmates, they’d rather go home na lang and eat there to save money. Hanggang hindi na namin napansin na we are comfortable na sa isa’t isa.

1st sem ng second year college namin. Lalo pa kami naging bonded dahil sa isang sentence na sinulat ng physics professor naming sa board nang sinermonan nya kami. “Familiarity breeds contempt!” at pinatayo nya ang voltes team sa class. Pagkatapos nun, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang nangyari. It seems that there was an inevitable force na nasa gitna naming at tila hindi na kami mapaghiwalay. Parang centrifugal at centripetal force. Lagi na kami magkakasama. Pinagsasabay namin mga schedule namin. Magkakagrupo na kami lagi sa mga projects. Isa na talaga kaming team.

Madami pa kami pinagdaanan. Mga tampuhan. Shakeys, kick me, close to tears, kabag sa ulo. Mga out of towns. EK, Lipa, Subic. Endless movies and food trips. Naovercut pa nga ako sa modern jazz dahil dyan.

And now, I miss them. I really do. Minsan na lang kami nagkikita-kita at nagkakausap. Nasa magkakaibang companies na kami. 3 sa canon, 1 sa globe, at ako sa HP. Madalas pag may birthdays na lang kami nagkakasama. wala na yung tipong pag trip lang, gigimmik na. pero kahit ganun, we all know that we remain to be good friends.

Dreaming with a Broken Heart

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh
Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

how many times does my blog need to die?

after posting some time ago, i thought i will already have the time to regularly update this blog with what's happening with my life. but after some time at work, my blog was dead again. i dont know why. i am not that super busy naman and now, i have the means of posting everyday. but still, my blog died.

anyway, i am resurrecting this again because i want to post a song i really love. but before that, backtrack muna with what happened during the time my blog was dead

- i have watched all UAAP games and spent a fortune if you combine all the money i spent for the tickets, dinners, etc.

- i am a bit disappointed that ateneo lost to ust. but after the mass at gesu, where the three kings and the coach gave their speech, i was quite happy na rin. ateneo, really is a community.

-i won the halloween best in costume in our department. it was an achievement i think because i only wore maong pants, poloshirt, sneakers and barong that day. i just got some tissue to tie it on my head and put some in my nose. what made me win though was the acting. hahaha. sabi nila, it looks natural daw. hahaha

-i bought my first signature perfume na. i had signature perfumes before but they were only given to me or i bought it using my parents' money. now i have my own na and i bought it using my own money.

- at last, after three tries, i was able to get into gold's gym na rin. haha

mahirap magmahal ng syota ng iba

Mahirap talagang magmahal ng syota ng iba
Hindi mo mabisita kahit okey sa kanya
Mahirap oh mahirap talaga
Maghanap ka na lang kaya ng iba

Ngunit kapag nakita ang kanyang mga mata
Nawawala ang aking pagkadismaya
Sige lang sugod lang o bahala na
Bahala na kung magkabistuhan pa

[chorus]
I-dial mo ang number sa telepono
Huwag mong ibibigay ang tunay na pangalan mo
Pag nakausap mo siya sasabihin sa’yo
Tumawag ka mamaya nanditong syota ko

Mahirap talaga ang magmahal ng iba
Oh sakit ng ulo maniwala ka
Ngunit kahit ano pang sabihin nila
Iwanan siya’y di ko magagawa

[instrumental]
Mahirap humanap ng iba
Pag tumubo ang ‘yong luha
At hahaba ang iyong mukha
At ikaw ang siyang kawawa
Iwanan siya’y di ko magagawa
Iwanan siya’y di ko magagawa
Iwanan siya’y di ko magagawa

wala lang 05

- watched uaap games last saturday. ateneo juniors won over upis. one game na lang, sweep na ang juniors.

- ateneo seniors also won against nu. with the loss of adamson against ust and the win of up against ue, we are now sure of the top spot while ue clinches the second spot.

- i love the kami napo muna album except the di na natuto part. nawala ang tono.

- grabe ang team gimik last friday. 3am na ako nakauwi. pero masaya ang bowling sessions.

- i miss the bowling sessions that i used to have with my soluziona friends. i miss the morning break kwentuhan, i miss the lunch breaks, i miss the LG-bashing, and i miss the afternoon breaks with the fishes. i miss my friends there. :(

2 nights with paul trainer and business calls

last monday, kd, ed, macky, lex and i treated Paul Trainer to a dinner at grilla in promenade. Paul is a finsys folk based in newcastle, uk who happened to visit the manila site. anyway, we ate for 30 minutes and then because of a critical issue with one of the production systems, kd, paul, and ed spent 1.5 hours inside the car for a conference call. it was supposedly a fun night but it turned out to be a wicked night for all of us.
last night, my manager, the treasury team and the perf team again hosted a dinner for paul. we had dinner at misato in metrowalk and then afterwards, we got ourselves drunk at dencios. we actually asked him to try sisig and chicharon. but before that, we had two calls, the first one at 9pm regarding the issues last monday and the other one was the performance global team meeting.
it was a fun night.

philo reflection

share ko lang. baka magamit na resource ng mga philo students. semi-fiction yung experience part. this paper got an A from Mr. Hermida.

Reflection on Aquinas

A human action is characterized by an action that is chosen by the will that is guided by the reason. What separates man from an animal is our capacity to be rational beings. While animals act based on their instincts, we, human beings, should act based on our free will and sound reasoning.

On this note, St. Thomas Aquinas states that the ingredients of man’s moral experiences are provided by its human nature. The fact that human beings have bodies makes them capable of certain acts. His senses become the vehicle for his appetite and passion. However, while these appetites and passion have a direct control over the lives of the animals, human beings have the capacity to control these appetites and passion. Aquinas emphasizes that in man, the will, in collaboration with the power of reason, consummates what is called the human act. And this will is the agency with which inclines man towards the achievement of what is good.

I would like to share an experience that demonstrates St. Thomas Aquinas’ point.

Last week can be considered as one of my hell weeks in Ateneo. To be exact, it may be considered as the “hellest” week, if ever there is a term such as that. Three papers, two long exams, and a thesis report are due that week, not to mention the responsibilities I had to assume as an organization leader. My groupmates in one subject, which happen to be my closest buddies, decided to meet Monday morning, eight o’clock to be exact, for we all don’t have classes until three thirty in the afternoon.at 8:00, all of us were already in the meeting place, except for two people. We waited until 9:00, but still, they weren’t there. They arrived at 10:30.

Of course one would expect us to be really pissed off because of their tardiness. I mean we could have done a lot of things in those two and a half hours that we wasted waiting for them. But when they arrived, what irritated me the most is when they told us that they were late because they played DoTA, an online game and enjoyed it and did not notice of the time. This is the third time that they were late in an appointment just because they were playing DoTA. They even added, “Sorry ha, tao lang kami. Nagkakamali din kami.” And because of my anger, I replied madly, “Ganun ba? Dapat pala nagkamali na lang din kami. Tao rin kasi kami. Pero pinili namin na hindi magkamali kasi nagpapakatao kami. Nag-iisip kami.”

I have nothing against DoTA. I mean playing DoTA in itself doesn’t constitute a bad act. However, the context must also be taken into consideration. Playing DoTA and enjoying every bit of it while making your groupmates wait, wasting their precious and priceless time, and forgetting about an undertaking you have committed into makes it a bad option.

What made me, and perhaps other people, even agrier was that they were trying to rationalize by saying that they are human and they make mistakes. I admit that being human and having a human body that experiences the world in its entirety makes us capable of making mistakes. But being human is not an excuse for an action that is not human in the first place. By an action that is human, I mean that the action must be a choice that is made and that choice must be guided by reason. And in their case, reason, clearly was nowhere to be found. I, myself, love playing computer games but because my reason told me that I have an appointment to make, I chose the other option of not playing and meeting my groupmates. They, on the other hand, controlled by their appetite and passion, continued playing. And that is not a human action because humans are capable of controlling these urges because of reason, a characteristic that is bestowed only upon us.

It is so easy to become human. However, acting like one seems so difficult for a lot of people. I would like to translate it into Filipino for it is more powerful a language. “Madaling maging tao. Mahirap magpakatao.”

Sensuality, desires, and passions are part of us as human beings. They, in themselves, are not bad. As embodied spirits, we also have the need to nurture them for having contact with the world entails being in touch with these things. We are not angels who do not have bodies and no experience of the bodily life. For if we were, then, we would not have the need for sensuality and appetite. However, these are not all that we are. Certainly, we are more that sensual creatures for if we were just sensual creatures, then we would have no difference with the animals. This is because animals cannot control their urges and desires, but rather, they are controlled by their urges and desires. And if a man begins to act based on sensuality alone, then he has no right to call it a human action. And perhaps he should think again if he is indeed a human because human beings were granted the special power of controlling their sensuality and appetite with the aid of reason.

Making mistakes is a human capacity. However, preventing oneself from making mistakes is yet another human capability. Human beings are gifted just by the mere fact of being humans. However, it still is up to us whether we use all of these potentials or not. Trying to reach the fullest potential of becoming human by doing what is human is a very difficult thing to do. However, it is not impossible. Trying in itself already makes us human. What more if everything that we do, would be human—that is making choices by the aid of the will that is guided by the reason?

The road to becoming fully a human is indeed rocky and difficult to traverse. But however it maybe difficult, we, as human beings would and should certainly want to achieve our full humanity. And I think that we can start our long and difficult journey by making the right decisions today. Whenever we are faced with a decision that we should make, we should try to weigh things out the best way possible. We should try to balance our sensuality and appetite with our will and reason for us to become a real human for we are not angels who do not have sensuality and appetite nor animals who do not have will and reason.

I am a man. And I am capable of using my will and reason without sacrificing my sensuality and pleasure. I am a man. And I am capable of satisfying my sensuality and appetites with the use of my will and reason. I am a man and I can act like a man. And I can do this by not acting just based on instinct. Using my will and reason for every decision that I will make would be good. And enhancing my knowledge will be of greater use for me to make more human acts. I would like to end this by saying that I will try to do things that are good by trying to weigh every option with the use of my knowledge. But however vast my knowledge is, I am still capable of making mistakes. So I should not only rely on my will and knowledge but rely on my God and always ask for his guidance so that I will know what the good to be done is and the evil to be avoided. For everything has its limitation, including our knowledge. But not my God.

wala lang 04

- i really miss school...
- kainis. ust won against ateneo. anyway, sana magkita ulit sa F4.
- i really miss her. sana we could go out again.
- honestly, nababagalan ako sa progress ng training ko.
- got a copy of kami napo muna album. astig. kaya lang mas maganda talaga yung original version.
- somebody stole my lan cable.. arggghhh.
- may utang pa pala akong c2 sa manager ko. talo ako sa bowling.
- sana magkaroon ulit ng ateneo cs 2006 reunion.
- binasa ko ang buong blog ko. ang say magreminisce. sana lang hindi sya naging dead ng matagal para mas maraming memories. alam nyo naman, may memory gap na ako. hahaha
- miss ko na ang voltes team (except phi)
- miss ko na ang mga org activities
- at totoo pala na the more your income, mas marami ang expense.
- naiinis ako sa withholding tax.

Torpedo

haaay....
im confused...
i wasnt able to sleep last night....
i dont know what i feel...

ive been in love with this girl for four years already but i havent done a thing for her. yes, you can call me torpe as much as you want but i think that its true. imagine, being with the girl for four years and making no moves at all? geesh.
im really in love with her but i cant make a move since we are really good friends. i am afraid that if i start to court her, one of the following might happen:
- she might think that i befriended her because i have bad intentions for her
- she might be "ilang" with me and i might lose our friendship
- she might think im crazy

but thats not just the problem. i dont know how to court. i dont know how to show my affection for her. and i think that that is my biggest problem.

anyway, i tried to suppress this feeling i have because i dont wanna lose our friendship and eventually, lose her. but every time that i see her with another guy, i really get jealous. i have actually talked with her best friend about this and she would give me nice ideas. problem is, im just plain torpe.

i really hate it when i learned that someone from work is making some moves on her. i thought i already lost my feelings for her since we havent seen or heard from each other for some months already. but i was wrong. i am still in love with her. i cant even tell my bestfriend about this dahil baka pagtawanan nya lang ako. i dunno why im thinking and feeling this way. i think i need professional help.

anyway, this song is for her:

Pasensya na
Kung ako ay
Di nagsasalita
Hindi ko kayang sabihin
Ang aking nadarama

Huwag mo na akong pilitin
Ako ay walang lakas ng loob
Para tumanggi
Walang dapat ipagtaka
Ako ay ipinanganak
Na torpe
Sa ayaw at hindi

Pasensya na
Kung ikaw ay naiinis
Ayoko na sanang
Pag-usapan pa
Kung gusto mo ay
Manood ka na lang ng sine
Di ba huwebes ngayon
Baka may bago nang palabas

Huwag mo na akong pilitin
Ako ay walang lakas ng loob
Para tumanggi
Walang dapat ipagtaka
Ako ay ipinanganak
Na torpe
Diyan sa tabi-tabi

Pasensya na
Kung ako ay naiiyak
Mababaw lang talaga ang luha ko
Di ko mapigil
Ang aking damdamin
Puede bang umalis ka na
Tumutunog na ang beeper mo

Resurrected (again)

so what? my blog's been dead for a semester.
its time for me to update this...

i wish i were a student again... i miss some things that i was able to do when i was still a student like:
1. cut classes
2. watching movies every week
3. waking up late
4. org activities
5. teacher-bashing (although i still get to bash a lot of people around)
6. hang out with the voltes team (except phi)
7. hang out sa faura steps
8. kulitin si ate grace, ate lisa, at ms mel.
9. stroll along katipunan
10. ride mrt and lrt2.

so wats up with me?
one week after grad, i worked with soluziona as a consultant. people there are great.
but after four months, i resigned.
now, im with HP already.

i dont know why but i really love this song.
"Because Of You"
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myselfCause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of youI learned to play
on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of youI find it hard
to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of youI
am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your painAnd now
I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
Idon't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of youI
am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

Resurrected (again)

part two

this morning, while riding the fx again ( fx stories na ito ...) i heard a song that somehow i can relate to. i've never heard of that song before but when i heard it, it was really about me. hehe. anyway, this is the lyrics of that song.

Lagi mo nlng ako dinededma
-Rocksteady

* mahal kita pero di mo lang alam
Hindi mo alam kasi hindi mo naman ako tinitignan
Ayaw mo naman itanong sakin kasi baka nga naman hindi naman ikaw
At hindi ko rin naman sayo sasabihin kasi ayoko pa sa ngayon na manligaw

Mahal kita pero hindi nga lang halata
Hindi halata kasi wala naman akong ginagawa
Hindi ako kumikibo hindi ako nagsasalita wala

Pero hindi ako torpe
Hindi ko lang talaga masabi sayo ng harapan
Mahal kita pero dehins mo pa rin ramdam
Hindi mo ko titignan di rin kita titgnan
Lagi mo lang akong pakikiramdaman lagi rin kitang pakikiramdaman
At araw araw tayong magdededmahan
Hanggang sa tayo ay magkabistuhan

Pero ngayong malapit nang matapos ang kanta ko
Nais kong magkaalaman na
Nais kong ako na rin ang magsabi sayo ng harapan
Kasi alam kong doon din naman ang tuloy nyan
At dalawa din lang naman ang posibleng sagot dyan oo o hindi

Kaya eto na sasabihin ko na para matapos na
At hindi na magka-tsismisan pa
Sasabihin ko na para wala nang problema
At para hindi na rin kayong lahat nabibitin pa
(repeat *)

Songs of my life

last sunday, i was over at vannie's house to make our thesis( supposedly) but it turned out that we just watched tv and then i felt asleep. In ASAP, the song Never get over you was sang. And then we were both looking for the title of the koreanovela that used this song as its theme song. Yun, after 2 days of hearing it over the radio while riding the fx going to school, naalala ko na. Love in the City pala. hehe. :P

I hear you're taking the town again
Havin' a good time
With all your good-time friends
I don't think that you think of me
You're on your own now
And I'm alone and free

I know that I should get on with my life
But a life lived without you
Could never be right

Chorus:
As long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run
To the sea
I'll never get over you
Getting over me

I try to smile so the hurt won't show
Tell everybody
That I was glad to see you go
But the tears just won't go away
(Won't go away..)
Loneliness found me
Looks like it's here to stay

I know that I oughta find someone new
But all I find is myself
Always thinkin' of you

Chorus

Oh!
No matter what I do
Each night's a lifetime to live through
I can't go on like this
(I need your touch)
You're the only one I'll ever love)
Oh, oh.. ah....

Ooh.....
Ooh.....
Ooh.....

And as
Long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run
To the sea
I'll never get over you
Getting over me

I'll never get over you
Getting over
Never get over you...
Getting over
I'll never get over you
Getting over me

Sa May Bintana

i heard this song over the radio while i was riding an fx going to school. it really captured my attention and i thought that it was really a great song


Sa May Bintana

Lagi na lang akong dumudungaw sa may bintana
Upang masulyapan kahit anino mo man lamang
Nagbabakasakaling ikaw ay lumingon
Ano kaya ito aking nadarama

Araw araw ako'y naghihintay sa may bintana
Nananalangin sana'y hindi ka pa nagdaraan
Parang bumibilis tibok nitong puso
Pagibig ba itong aking nadarama

Napupuyat sa ka iisip, nababato't naiinip
Laging laman nang panaginip
Di kayang magtiis isang araw sa may bintana
Nang di kita masulyapan makindatan man lamang
Tumutigil buong mundo sa tuwing ika'y magdaraan

Araw araw ako'y naghihintay sa may bintana
Nananalangin sana'y hindi ka pa nagdaraan
Parang bumibilis tibok nitong puso
Pagibig ba itong aking nadarama

Napupuyat sa ka iisip, nababato't naiinip
Laging laman nang panaginip
Di kayang magtiis isang araw sa may bintana
Nang di kita masulyapan makindatan man lamang
Pumupigil buong mundo sa tuwing ika'y magdaraan

Rants

Life is full of pain and suffering. Everything that we do involves pain. That life is full of pain is already a universally-accepted truth. From the moment we were conceived until we die, everyone experiences pain. And what causes these pains that we get along with in life is the fact the we desire infinitely. We get something but we strive to get more. And because we want to get more, we work harder, and in the end, suffer greater. But Buddha points out that the only way to end these pain is to give up our desires. And in the end, after we experience the eight-fold path can we only experience real happiness.

In life, people of today preoccupy themselves with a lot of things so that they would feel a great sense of being. Most of us believe that what defines our humanity is how much we have done in the past, how much we are doing in the present, and how much we are planning to do in the future. there is an emphasis on doing rather than being. We feel a great sense of urgency to keep ourselves busy so that we could experience a great sense of worthiness. But in the end people would complain that life has been very difficult and painful for them. What we do not realize is the fact that what makes life difficult is our desires. Our desire to work infinitely to please everybody makes life harder for us. (Or maybe we don't have the time to reflect because we are so preoccupied with busyness?) Pain comes from not being contented with life alone but rather asking more of what life has to offer. We search for infinite capabilities though we are finite beings. We ought to live like we will not die but in the end we will feel that we are dying without having lived.

What we are can never be defined by HOW MUCH we have done but by WHAT we have done. It is not a matter of quantity but of quality. Choosing the good in everything that we do is one thing and is already enough. Exerting a lot of effort to make people appreciate you for all your deeds would be an entirely different thing.

It is not bad to desire. In fact it is what keeps us focused and directed in our life. Yes, because of these desires we experience pain but it is also essential to our life. And in our desire to do the good we experience pain—a needed pain.

Giving up our desires—the unnecessary ones, will make our life a lot less complicated, and a lot more enjoyable. Because when we give up our unneeded wants and when we start to not preoccupy ourselves with a lot of work can we only see the beauty of our life and of our world. Then we can reflect on things which are essential to us—on doing what is right.

mis profesores en la universidad para esta semestre

okay, it's been a month and a half since i last posted. maybe i was just busy. maybe i just don't know what to write. maybe i was just lazy. maybe.
okay. so what did i do in the first one and a half month in school? well, as usual, i observed my teachers. hehe. and here are some of my observations.
Mr Lagliva(Ph103)'s favorite word is paglalandi. he almost always uses that word in class. his next favorite word is neck-neck mo/nya. And the other word that always comes out of his mouth is pacute lang. well, sir lagliva is a drinker but hates people who drinks san mig light. he is the type of teacher who likes having bets with his students like" pag tumunog cellphone ko, freecut forever" or " pag pumiyok ako, freecut na tayo".
Doc Mana is again on my list of teachers this semester. remember the surprise midterms last sem? well, what makes me doubly sad is that he is my teacher in two subjects. oh well, at least im having fun in his automata class. pero ang nakakainis, yung mga stories nya, nag rerepeat performance sya sa next class namin. haaaay.
my teacher in j2ee is kinda weird. he's intelligent but he's just so weird. and we payed 3 units to report in class.
doc vergara is one good teacher. i just don't like what he is teaching--programming language paradigms. grrrr.
dr totanes or Dr. T, is a funny teacher. his jokes in class are all funny combined with his funny face. he reminds me of lelong in pupung.
my best teacher this sem would have to be ms. Magtibay. why? imagine attending a 730 class every tuesdays and thursdays in a big airconditioned lecture hall with desks and the class is theology. how would you feel? would you not feel going back to bed? pero ako, hindi. she is so good in speaking that she keeps our class alive for one and a half hour. sobrang galing magturo. ang galing ng teaching style. praxis talaga.

disclaimer: hindi panglalait ang mga ito. mga obserbasyon lamang.

Fete de la musique

it was such a crazy party. i went there together with the other tnts and enjoyed the whole night of music. pero we spent most of the time sa alternative stage. nandun kasi yung mga band na gusto namin. nakakainis lang, i went home early, mga 2am. so hindi ko na naabutan yung session road. grrrr. and nakakinis nga pala kasio ang daming KSP dun. they were all wearing black tapos may dalang philippine flag na nakabaligtad then others may banner na "punks ng antipolo" or "taytay alak". tapos, yung iba ha;f naked na. di mo talaga alam kung hindi pinapansin sa bahay nila. tapos pag may dumadaan, magpapalakpakan sila. weird.

when batman began

last friday was the first time that our cs139.3 class met. it was sxheduled MF, 130-3. inside the class, expectations are very high. And i wish i could at least meet half of what they are expecting.

three groups invited me to watch batman with them-- the tnts, my course batchmates, and my freshies. Oh well, i left my last class 30 minutes earlier because i joined my freshies. hehe. so yun, there were 12 of us in one car(thanks to nikko's driver) and we headed to gateway mall. Grabe. Ang haba ng pila para sa cinema. and ang traffic palabas ng ateneo.

yun, we watched the 3:50 screening. Medyo boring yung first part but i must admit ok naman yung movie. ok yung plot and all. yun nga lang, i almost fell asleep sa gitna ng movie.

ang tibay ni bjorn. hindi sumama sa movie but instead, he played DMX the whole time we were inside the movie house. And ang galing nyang sumayaw. pwede pala sa dance idol. sayang. so yun, after the movie, we ate dinner sa KFC. nag bucket meal kami para lang magkaroon ng batman tumblers.

at si nikka, ang lakas kumain. and marami akong nalamang issues. hehe.

i had a nice time with my freshies. Dapat lang no. to think that i had to sacrifice my guidance test, my time with my blockmates and with the tnts for them. Ang cool talag nilang kasama. Sana hindi magalit yung previous blocks na nahandle ko( O2- 2003, n/n1-2004) pero eto yung best course block that i've handled.

mukhang wala akong natutunan sa Eng classes ko. ang pangit ko pa ring magcompose. random talaga.

First Day Funk Part 2

i wasn't able to finish this last time kasi mag class na ako.

anyway, 3:00 -4:30
it was the time to meet my history classmates and teacher. Sobrang kwela ni Dr. Totanes. Hindi nakakaantok. And our class became our ph101 and ph102 class reunion. sobrang ang dami namin dun.

4:30 -6:00
Grabe, we had to walkk very fast dahil our next class is in Bel. Imagine, walking from Ctc to Bel. it was so tiring. Kaya iyon, pagdating namin dun, nanlalagkit na kami. And ang init sa loob ng room. pero mukhang ok naman ang ohilo teacher ko. so ok lang. ang bait nya, pwede mag internal load rev. hehe.

tapos we ate at jollibee for dinner and then nagpunta kami sa apartment ni vannie. hehe. basta ang saya ng first day funk ko. syempre nagrexona ako. hehe

First Day Funk

We started the 1st semester yesterday and i was already in school at 7:30 in the morning. Grabe ang traffic sa Katipunan. i just walked from gate 2 to ching tan room para hindi ako malate. then our theo prof would come at 7:50. Sobrang nakakagago. Pero yun, she looks ok naman and mukhang magaling magturo. Kainis kasi naubos yung oras sa mga discussion.

9:00, F228: i was listening to a weird-looking teacher (i hope he doesn't read this). Our class is Java for Enterprise Programming. Yun, as usual, di na naman ako nakinig and i just surfed the net sa class. Pero i promise myself na i wont be doing this for the whole sem. Promise ko sa sarili ko: i'll get really serious this sem. yun, inubus din yung time.

10:30 - 3:00 : Break

the voltes team/power rangers ate at hungry hippo. sobrang init. pero at least may nakita kaming table cloth na naglalakad. Tapos, tawa kami nang tawa ni philip dahil sa waitress dun. May tumawag for delivery, tapos sabi nung waitress, "mamaya na busy pa ako".

yun, tapos, hinatid pa namin ni vannie sina ken and phi sa csr for their theo class. Di talaga mabubuhay nang wala kami.

tapos tambay sa faura lab, sa faura steps, anything faura.

Zippy's Blog: Resurrected

after almost three months of being dormant, i am back! There are a lot of unfortunate incidents that happened to me last summer and i want to get over them already.

more updates to follow!

Monday Madness

Last Monday, i had a scheduled interview with IBM at 2:00, with peoplesupport at 2:30, and with Mia's company at 3:30. So yun. it was around 11:00 when vannie told me that she was alone in Makati. i did not have any plans yet to go to Makati that time but because of my "pananagutan" "wink" " pilosopiya", i immediately took a bath, and then off to Makati. i arrived there mga 1230. then i asked vannie where she was. and to my surprise, she was in Greenbelt1. of all the places in makati, why greenbelt1 i asked myself. Pero yun, dahil may pananagutan ako, lakad ulit ako.

tapos, nakasalubong ko si joboy sa Greenbelt3. Akala ko nagwowork na sya because he was walking with a group of yuppies. yun pala, hindi nya kasama yun. anyway, i asked him kung san sya papunta. sabi nya, gagala daw siya at nagpapasama pa sa akin. sabi ko vannie is waiting for me. then i asked him kung may practicum na siya. sabi nya wala pa daw. sa pldt pa lang daw sya pupunta. sabi ko e maghanap na sya dahil super hindi sure yung pldt na iyon.

then nagpunta na ako sa greenbelt1. yes i know, gala akong tao but ive never been to greenbelt1. nakapunta na ako ng greenbelt2and3 but never to greenbelt1. so yun medyo naligaw ako looking for the entrance of g1.

tapos pag dating ko sa popeye's na supposedly meeting place namin ni vannie, wala siya. yun pala, nakatago lang sa isang sulok doon. okay lang sana iyon pero ang masakit, kumakain nasya. grrrrrrrrr. pero ok lang. mga 1pm na rin yun and hindi na ako kumain kasi baka malate ako sa interview. alam nyo naman na minsan 10 years akong kumain.

so yun, sinamahan naman nya ako to ibm. ininterview ako tapos in the middle of my interview, peoplesupport was calling me. oh my god, 3pm na pala. so yun, hindi na ako tumuloy sa peoplesupport so direcho na ako ortigas to meet mia and the others.

tapos sa racks sa may el pueblo, dun namin nameet yung "tita" ni mia. yun. hired na daw kami. so kami naman nina prach, loang, jb and gil, ok na. pero sabi namin kung matanggap kami sa company na gusto namin, e dun na lang.

tapos mga 530, peoplesupport called me again pero i didn't answer.

wala lang 03

eto pa. i read this from a book about artificial intelligence nung ginamit ko ang topic na ito for my En11 research paper. From Blaise Pascal : " The heart has its reasons that reason does not know" . Totoo naman diba? hehe.

wala lang 02

i really cannot remember kung saan ko napanood ito pero ang ganda ng sinabi. life is not about how many times we breathe but about the times that take our breath away.

one good day comin up.

we watched the movie ms congeniality. as usual, ang galing ulit ni sandra and i enjoyed the movie again. anyways, while inside the movie, the phonecall that ive been waiting ay biglang dumating. ibm called me and told me that i passed their test and im scheduled for an interview on monday, march28. grabe, it feels so nice na yung inaasam mo ay unti-unti mo nang nakukuha. tapos, nagkita pa kami ng high school friends ko sa movie, kaya iyon, after the movie sumama na ako sa kanila and we went to a classmate's house. yun, kainan, kwentuhan, tawanan. umabot kami ng hanggang 12 midnyt sa sobrang daming kwento at sobrang namiss namin ang isa't isa. siyangapala, i am so happy din kasi the members of the voltes team also got a txt from pldt. e di enjoy, sama-sama kaming pupunta dun.

it was really a good day that i never thought ws comin. hehe

jobhunt

ang hirap maghanap ng practicum. hehe. we have to walk around makati wearing formal suits para lang makahanap ng trabaho. grabe especially nung monday, sobrang nakakapagod. we parked at the mandarin hotel. tapos naglakad kami to glorietta for lunch. tapos bumalik kami ng paseo de roxas for ken's interview sa people support. tapos ang galing ng friend ni johning. sabi punta raw kami sa headstrong, buendia corner paseo de roxas. so yun, lakad ulit kami under the scorching heat of the sun. tapos, parking lot lang ang aabutan namin sa paseo cor buendia. bad trip. tapos, we went to pasay road para magsubmit ng requirements sa fujitsu. ang sungit nung gwardiya.untik ko nang awayin. buti mabait ako.

tapos sobrang frustrated na ako dahil sabi ng ibm, monday or tuesday kami tatawagan kung nakapasa kami. tuesday na wala pa rin. tapos yun, pldt texted me. sabi, invited daw ako sa ojt camp. oh well, totoo talaga na when a door closes, a window opens. grabe na to ha.

Saturday

nagpractice ulit para sa cotillion ng sister ni mia.
then went to the mall and watched million dollar baby.
ok naman pala yung movie. nakakatouch. galing ni clint eastwood. he should have won best actor for that.
tapos nagsimba sa mall.
then dine out with family.
this is my typical saturday.

Friday at Greenbelt.

ok. for the past three fridays, my friends and i have been going to greenbelt and libis to relax.
last friday was a special one kasi buo ang power rangers (kim, vannie, johning, ken at ako). Nung morning, we went to school to attend doc mana's class pero free cut. sayang ang pagpasok. bumalik kami kina ken to continue with our "project" but as usual, puro motivation na naman. we played hotels.
tapos nung gabi, we went to greenbelt. grabe ang traffic sa C5. Kainis. So, sa greenbelt, nagdinner kami sa OOdys tapos starbucks, tapos konting kwentuhan then umuwi na si kim.
tapos balik starbucks then kwentuhan ulit about life. Parang ang bilis ng takbo ng oras kasi 2am na, marami pa rin kaming napagkukwentuhan.

Cramming for project

nag overnyt ulit kami kina ken
ang objective ay para gumawa ng project.
what happened?
X nagdance revo kami
X kumain ng maraming pizza
X nag-internet
X nag photo ops kami.
X walang project
X pero masaya kasi magkakasama ang power rangers

Wicked Wednesday

if there is a day that would be one of the worst days in my life, it would be last wednesday. the day started just fine. Until we were in our cs23 class. Remember the surprise midterms? i never bothered thinking about that test because we all knew that our teacher wont be able to check the papers anyway. he has a reputation of playing dart to give us a grade. we were right. he wasnt able to check the papers. however, he asked the class to check our papers. Grrrrr. As expected, i got a very low grade. 31 out of 100. that is even lower than half of the passing mark.

then i have two more long tests for the day. one for theology and one for cs154. i never bothered studying theology because we have a copy of the previous semester's test. However, we did not know that the test has two sets. and i got the other set. Damn. It was so hard. What would i do? Well, i just answered the test in the best way i can.

then after the theo test was our networks test. i was quite confident because i did study hard for this exam. Actually, it was all that i studied for the day before. SO when the test was given to us, i was eager to answer it. but no. i was quite shocked by the questions. Where in the hell did these questions come from? I couldnt remember that i read anything like these. Another misfortune in a day full of misfortunes.

Buti na lang, at the end of the day, there was something good that happened. Our moderator in AMS(Ateneo math society) treated the incoming and outgoing officers. we had dinner in yellow cab. (dapat dalawa share ko, isang outgoing and incoming). Anyways, it was quite a good night because the new officers had the time to bond. I was able to eat 4 slices of the largest pizza that they have. However, i was already tired and sleepy because i lost a lot of strength during this hell day. So we went home ahead`of the others.

eye examination

tuesday. matapos ng overnyt ay nagpunta kami sa comm department upang suportahan ang presentation ni johning. tapos ay kumuha kami ng sample test sa theology para may maaral naman. Nagrerecycle kasi ng test yung guro namin. Tapos ay naghiwa-hiwalay na kami.

Nakisabay ako kay ken papuntang robinsons galleria. Nandun pala ang optometrist ko kaya dumaan na rin ako at nagpacheck up ng mata. pagkatapos ng mahaba-habang check up, napag-alamang tumaas na naman ang grado ng mata ko. at sa panahon na ito, hindi na lang nearsightedness ang problema ko pati astigmatism na rin. Kay malas ko naman. Ayan tuloy, napabili na naman ako ng panibagong contact lens. E wala sa plano iyon.

Overnyt Monday

Nag-overnight kaming barkada sa bahay ni johning para gumawa ng cs23 project namin. sa friday na yata ang deadline nito. kainis talaga si doc mana. hehe. anyway, yun, from the practicum orientation ( na nagulantang kami dahil march 28 ang submission ng unang report), pumunta kami ng robinsons galleria upang sunduin ang kapatid ni ken. Tapos, tumungo kami sa bahay ni vannie upang kuhanin ang mga cd ng linux. ang laki ng bahay. Naabutan namin ang kanyang kapatid na si patty na nakadapa sa kama at may kausap sa telepono. hindi niya napansin ang aming pagdating. at nang nagsalita kami, bigla siyang napaupo sa kama. Si wamar pala ang kausap niya. Si mr. crabby. DANGER!!!!! Anyway, pagkatapos nun ay tumuloy na kami sa bahay ng mga umampon kay johning.

pagbaba namin sa kanila, tamang-tama at dumating din ang kuya niya na may dalang l300. aba, gusto pa yata kaming sagasaan ng kuya niya. pumasok na kami, kumain, naligo, nagkwentuhan, nagtawanan. Pero walang project na ginawa. Hahaha.

walang signal sa bahay nila. kaya't parang nahiwalay ako sa aking mundo. walangtext, tawag, o anupaman. kami lang talaga.

Wala lang 01

I was so pissed off by one of our professors. He gave us a surprise midterms exam which is completely against our magna carta. Imagine, any test is not a part of our syllabus and then here he comes telling us that we're gonna have a test four days after(comprehensive). Midterms in March? What the ....? Anyway, we couldnt do anything about it so we just studied and prepared well for the test. But no. When the test was given to us, i couldnt believe it. 70 identification items? it was so damn hard that i expect to get an F. A low F. around 20-40 out of 100 would be a good estimate on how i fared in our test.
Diyos na lang ang bahala sa kanya

wala lang 00

last Week
we joined a computer quiz bee in UP. We won first place. Buti na lang kateam namin si Mark Punzalan. hehe.
i watched a show and a song reminded me of a friend's situation. Why can't it be, why can't it be the two of us? Why cant we be lovers, only friends.
we went to greenbelt and i learned a lot from my friends. ano yun? secret!
My younger sister and i finally had the time to talk to each other after two months of ignoring each other. Namiss ko rin pala siya.
I watched 4 movies in 4 consecutive days. Infection, Lemony Snickets, Son of The Mask and the Aviator. (addict ba?)

Pssssst! Mag-usap Kita

Noong isang lingo ay naglalakad ako sa may MRT Ortigas station at may nakita akong batang may malaking bukol sa mukha. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ngunit bigla akong dumukot ng pera sa aking pitaka. Kahapon naman ay itinapon ko sa basurahan ang mga naiwanang pinagkainan sa cafeteria. Ano naman kaya ang naghihintay sa akin bukas? Sa makalawa? Hindi ko talaga alam.


Sa pang-araw-araw nating buhay, tila merong isang tawag sa atin upang magpakatao. Sa paglalakad natin sa kalye, sa pagkain natin, sa pagtulog, o sa anumang simpleng desisyon natin sa buhay, merong tawag na magpakatao para sa atin. Merong isang tawag sa atin upang ating gawin ang dapat nating gawin bilang mga tao. At ang gawain na ito ay nakabase sa ating di-makasariling pagsasarili sa kahulugan ng kung ano ang mabuti, maganda, at totoo, basta wala tayong nasasagasaang iba sa pagsasakatuparan natin ng ating pagpapakatao at tumutungo sa isang mabuti, maganda, at totoo para sa lahat ng ating kapwa.


At sa tawag na ito upang tayo ay magpakatao, meron yatang tatlong paraan na tumutugon tayo. Una, nakikinig tayong maigi sa tawag na ito. Dinig na dinig natin ang tinig na tumatawag sa atin upang magpakatao at sumusunod tayo rito. Gagawin natin ang mga sa tingin natin na dapat gawin ng isang tunay na tao, ng tao na binibigkas bilang isang analogum. At ang tinig na ito ay naririnig maging ng mga bingi, basta merong tunay na pagnanasa na hindi lamang manatiling mga tao, kundi ganapin ang tunay na pagpapakatao. Isang halimbawa ay ang mga taong patuloy na nagsisilbi sa karamihan dahil ito ang pinaniniwalaan nila na dapat gawin ng tao. o maaari naman din itong makita sa isang manggagawa na di bali nang madungisan ang katawan, basta’t malinis ang kalooban o di kaya naman sa isang estudyante na ginagawa ang lahat ng kanyang responsibilidad. Sila ay tumutugon sa tawag na magpakatao at sumusunod sa mahiwagang tinig na tumatawag sa kanila.


May ilan namang hindi nakaririnig sa tawag na ito. Ito ay yaong mga tao na marahil ay hindi malay sa kung ano ang pagpapakatao. Hindi sila mulat sa kung ano ang dapat nilang gawin upang maipakita ang kanilang pagpapakatao. Maaaring may pagnanasa silang magpakatao ngunit maaari rin namang nasa isang di-maiiwasang sitwasyon sila na hindi pa nila kayang talusin ang ibig sabihin ng pagpapakatao. Isang halimbawa ay ang mga bata na musmos pa ang isipan. Maaaring may pagnanasa silang magpakatao ngunit dahil sa murang isipan ay hindi pa nila malaman kung ano nga ba ito.


O meron din naman yaong mga nagbibingi-bingihan. Sila yaong mga nakaririnig naman ngunit ayaw makinig. Pilit silang tinatawag na magpakatao ngunit ayaw nilang sumunod. Pilit nilang nilalabanan ang tawag na ito at bagkus, ginagawa nila ang kabaligtaran sa kung ano ang alam nilang pagpapakatao. Ginagamit ang kapwa, nananakop. Maaaring gawin nating halimbawa ang mga politiko natin. Sa araw-araw na buhay nila, nakakasalamuha nila ang napakaraming tao at alam nila na may pananagutan sila sa mga taong nasa ilalim ng kanilang pangangalaga. Ngunit ano ang ginagawa ng karamihan? Mas marami pa rin yata ang hindi gumagawa ng mabuti sa kapwa. Nagnanakaw, nanlalamang, nang-aagrabyado. Hindi ba nila narinig ang tawag na magpakatao? Imposible yata.


Ngayon tatanungin mo ako kung ano naman ang kinalaman ng pilosopiya dito. Ano ba ang ginagawa sa akin ng pilosopiya? Bakit ba ako namimilosopiya? At ano ang kinalaman ng pamimilosopiya ko sa aking pagpapakatao?
Namimilosopiya tayo sapagkat walang hanggan ang ating kakayahang mag-isip bilang mga tao. Nag-iisip tayo hindi lamang ng kung ano ang tawag sa isang hayop na may mahabang ilong o saan makikita ang chocolate hills kundi pati ng mga napahirap at walang katapusang tanong na BAKIT? Minsan nga hindi lang simpleng ano o bakit kundi ANO ba ang totoo, maganda at mabuti? Bakit ako? Bakit kailangan kong magpakatao? Ngayon, isang magandang pagkakataon ang pamimilosopiya upang magtangkang sagutin ang lahat ng walang-hanggang tanong natin, upang maliwanagan kahit gabutil na liwanag lamang ang ating mga pagtataka dahil alam natin na walang hanggan ang dapat nating tahakin upang masagot ang lahat-lahat ng ating mga katanungan at pagtataka.


Itinuturo sa atin ng Pilosopiya na buksan ang ating mga mata at tumingin ng mabuti. Gamitin natin ang lahat ng ating mga pandama upang makasalamuha at madama ang kung ano talaga ang mga totoong nangyayari. Tinuturuan tayo ng pilosopiya na magmasid, umunawa, at kumilatis upang hindi tayo malinlang at makulong na lamang sa magulong mundo ng konsepto. Realidad ang tinuturo sa atin ng Pilosopiya—isang realidad na kailangan nating pagdaanan sa bawat araw ng ating buhay, isang realidad na gawin ang dapat nating gawin bilang mga nilalang na tinatawag na tao. Magpakatao tayo, ito ang paggawa natin ng pilosopiya.


Natutunan natin sa pilosopiya na hindi sapat ang isang paggawa at iyon na ang lahat. Mahirap makulong sa katamarang iyan dahil lumalabas na nagmamarunong ka na. Tila baga alam at nasakop mo na ang lahat. Ang katotohanan na para sa iyo ay nakabase sa iyong kalayaang manakop ng mga bagay, ng mga konsepto, maging ng mismong akto ng pagpapakatao. Hindi dapat isipin na ang katotohanan at pagpapakatao ay isang karanasang autonomiya kundi isang karanasan sa kawalang hangganan. Heteronomiya. Sa paggawa ng tunay na pilosopiya (hindi ng isang pilosopiya na umiikot sa pambobola lamang), bagaman, sinusubukan na nating magpakatao, paulit-ulit tayong kinukulit nito upang paigtingin pa ang ating pagpapakatao. Dahil kahit anong gawin natin ay hindi natin nagagawa ang lahat ng dapat gawin. Dahil ang hangganan ng ating pagpapakatao ay walang hanggan. At dahil may karanasan tayo sa kawalang-hanggan, kailangang ituloy ang walang katapusang pagnanasang magpakaako. Magpakatao. Dahil kung titigil tayo rito, mali yata ang ating ginagawang pilosopiya. Titigil rin yata tayo sa paggawa ng tunay na pagpapakatao.


Pumapasok din rito ang tungkulin ng mga nakarinig sa tawag na magpakatao na hindi lamang basta magpakatao kundi iparinig din sa iba ang tawag na ito. Kaya naman babalik siya sa nakasusulasok na kahon at pilit iparirinig sa mga hindi nakarinig, kung maaari ay sigawan pa niya o kaladkarin, o di kaya naman ay mapatay pa siya sa akto ng kanyang pagpapakatao. Pilosopiya ng pagpapakatao. Pagpapakatao ang paggawa ko ng Pilosopiya.


Para naman sa mga hindi nakarinig, kumikilos ang pilosopiya sa paraang ipakikita niya ang dapat makita, iparirinig ang dapat na marinig, o ipadama ang dapat damhin. Basta’t buhay ang pagnanasang gumawa ng tunay na pilosopiya sa pamamagitan ng pagpapakatao, kakawala siya sa yungib ng kamusmusan, ng kawalang-alam, ng kabataan. Dahil sa pagnanasang ito na binubuhay ng ating mga katanungan at pagtataka sa pamimilosopiya, lalabas siya ng yungib upang makasilip sa konting liwanag na kaya niyang makita sa gitna ng walang-hangganang liwanag. At dahil gumagawa siya ng tunay na pamimilosopiya, matatalos niya na hindi sapat ito kaya’t dapat niya itong ipagpatuloy dahil sa mga dahilang nailahad na kanina at sa paraang nailahad na rin kanina.


At para naman sa mga nagbibingi-bingihan, tila ito yata ang pinakamahirap tawagin katulad ng hirap sa paggising ng isang taong nagtutulug-tulugan. Dahil nakukulong sila sa isang katamaran at sanay na sila sa iisang sistema, tila mas mahirap yatang piliting tawagin ang mga ito. Lalo na nga kung may mga pansarili pang interes na pinanghahawakan ang mga ito. Dahil masyadong tahimik sa loob ng kanyang bahay, ayaw na niyang pansinin ang mga ingay sa labas at itinuturing ang mga ito na hindi mga tunay na pangyayari. Ngayon, paano kumikilos ang pilosopiya rito? Maaaring sa una, gamitin nito ang kanyang alindog upang mang-akit. Unti-unti ka nitong dadalhin sa maganda-masalimuot, nakatutuwa-nakalulumbay, at simple-komplikadong mundo ng pamimilosopiya. Pipilitin ka nitong mag-isip, tumingin, at kumilatis sa mga tunay na nangyayari sa iyong kapaligiran. Hindi mo malalaman, gumagawa ka na pala ng Pilosopiya. Nagpapakatao ka na pala. Subalit kailangan ng ibayong pag-iingat dahil nakapanlilinlang ang alindog ng pilosopiya. Maaari mo na lamang isipin o manipulahin ang lahat-lahat ng konsepto (katulad ba ito ng ginagawa ko? Marahil hindi) upang maging kapaki-pakinabang at madaling maintindihan ang lahat. Maaari kang tamarin dahil sa sobrang ganda ng iyong namamasdan. Kaya’t sinasabi kong mag-ingat dahil delikado ang paggawa ng Pilosopiya kung hindi naman totoo. Hindi ka rin mauuwi sa pagpapakatao.


Kung hindi naman naakit ay talagang pipilitin kang makarinig. Sisigawan, sasampalin, o tatapatan ka ng “megaphone” sa tainga upang marinig mo. O may mga taong tunay na gumagawa ng pilosopiya na tutulong sa iyo. Sila ang mga taong pinanindigan ang tunay na paggawa nila sa pilosopiya. Sila ang mga taong tunay na nagpapakatao—na kahit usigin, kutyain o kahit patayin, patuloy ka nilang hihikayatin na tingnan at damhin ang katotohanan dahil meron silang pananagutan; sa iyo at sa lahat ng kapwa-tao. At hindi sila titigil hanggang matauhan ka at ikaw na mismo ay gumagawa ng pilosopiya—hanggang ikaw mismo ay nagpapakatao na. Swabe di ba?


Ngunit sa katapusan ng lahat, ang bawat ako pa rin ang mismong nagdedesisyon sa kung anuman ang nais niyang gawin. Ang iba’t ibang mga ako na ito ay hindi ko maaaring hulaan ang magiging desisyon. Dahil kahit ano pa man ang sabihin ko tungkol sa lahat ng uri ng tao, hindi ko sila kayang ikahon doon dahil isa silang tao na binibigkas bilang analogum—may kakayahang tumubo, may walang hanggang potensyal. At kasama sa walang hanggang potensyal na ito ay ang paggawa ng tunay na pilosopiya. Magpakatao.


Ngunit dahil tao rin sila kaya’t mas dapat hikayatin at pilitin na gawin ang lahat ng gawaing pan-tao—taong may pananagutan sa lahat ng kapwa. Kaya’t patuloy na nanghihikayat ang pilosopiya sa mga taong nagnanasa, at mas higit na inaakit ang mga naliligaw dahil bahagi ito ng kayabangan ng pilosopiya na bigyang kasagutan ang lahat—kahit ang mga walang hanggang potensyal ng pagpapakatao—bagaman hindi talaga malalaman ang lahat. At sapagkat ang pilosopiya ay ginagawa, dapat natin itong gawin ng may katotohanan at patuloy at walang hanggang pagnanasa. Dapat magpakataong tunay. Dahil tayo ay taong tunay.


Kaya’t sa huli’t huli ng aking mga nabanggit at mga hindi nabanggit, at hindi mababanggit kailanman, hindi natin maihihiwalay ang tunay na pilosopiya sa tunay na pagpapakatao. Pilit nating kikilalanin at tatanggapin ang Meron at ang kawalang hangganan nito at kasabay nito ang ating tugon—ang magpakatao. Dahil tao ang gumagawa ng pilosopiyang tunay. Dahil tunay na pagpapakatao ang paggawa ko ng tunay na pilosopiya. Ito ang natutunan kong pilosopiya ng Pagpapakatao ngayong taon. At dahil dito, nagpapasalamat ako ng walang hanggan dahil nalaman ko na ako ay isang tanong na walang hanggang maghahanap ng mga kasagutan

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